Traditions...

As we float along in this winter season, I keep being pulled to this idea of traditions. Once Halloween is upon us our time is measured by holidays or at least it feels that way. With holidays, you have traditions. With holidays, you have the pressure of maintaining traditions. With holidays, you have the forging of new traditions. Traditions often come paired with holidays, but not always. Traditions are our customs and beliefs. They are our habits, rituals, and practices. Have you ever considered why something becomes a tradition? Why this one thing has remained from one generation and is passed down? Have you ever thought about when and how a tradition begins, what is it born out of?

My family is just like all others and there are traditions sprinkled all throughout our year, some can be explained, some are odd, some are new, while others have withstood time…

Growing up, Christmas was an extra special time. My mother filled our home with symbols of the season - the nativity, angels, snowmen, and a winter village. There was baking and cookie decorating, church services with carols and scripture. Today, if you walk in my house during this season, you will find it filled to the brim with those same symbols, some that have even been passed down, like my nativity scene which was my Gram’s. I love the excitement and anticipation of the season and the hope that comes with waiting. Waiting for presents, waiting for the birth of Jesus, waiting for those things that are preserved just for Christmas Day. That hope, those stories, they fill our home and so much of that has been taken from my childhood and now I’m replaying for my own children. Things like how you participate in the church service on Christmas Eve, how each child has their own Christmas tree and that Santa will leave your gift there. Those traditions have remained because they define this holiday, they make up what it feels like for me.

Christmas isn’t the only holiday that has withstanding traditions for my family, there is also a summer celebration and then the close of summer, The Fourth of July and Labor Day. My mom’s family has had a cottage at Findley Lake, New York since the 1950’s. Summer has always been spent at the lake. For my mom’s family, summer was a time to gather and celebrate and the Fourth of July marked that time, while Labor Day put an end to the summer season. This has been continued with the next generation and now mine. The Fourth of July means a boat parade, steak dinner with corn cooked over a camp fire, the red glow of flares, “oohing and awing” during the fireworks’ show while on a boat surrounded by family. This time means patriotic music, s’mores, campfires and making memories with cousins. The close of summer is a nostalgic feeling, a tug at the heart, because it’s bittersweet to say goodbye to such a special place and special people. The Harvest Festival on Labor Day weekend brings our little town bubbling to life, with trinkets, treasures, and sweets. It just doesn’t feel right if we aren’t all together at the lake on the Fourth or Labor Day, it’s a tradition.

Traditions are passed down within a family, but they are also inherited when a couple decides to walk one path together. When Easter is mentioned I think of spring, the story of Jesus’ love for us, and sunshine. I picture tulips, pastel colored Easter eggs, and fancy outfits. Easter means church, a new dress, and hunting for eggs. My husband’s family doesn’t hunt for eggs, but rather gifts wrapped in brown paper bags. When I asked my mother-in-law about the tradition, she shared that her mother, Grandma Garee, started the idea to hide presents (outside, weather permitting). She wanted it to be a challenge, so wrapped the gifts in brown paper bags, to help disguise them with nature. This tradition started with just eight people participating, to now almost thirty! We now pick names and hide for that person, but the brown paper bag remains as the staple packaging. My brother-in-laws love to pick on me and they figured out early on that I struggle when I don’t find my gift right away - I get to the point of giving up, anxiety takes over. In the past few years, Justin has had my name twice and each time he didn’t just pick a challenging spot for my gift (anchored in the middle of a pond), but he sent me on a scavenger hunt - rhyming clues and all! I was near tears, but kept going. Not only are brown paper bag gifts for Easter a tradition, but now attempting to make me cry because I can’t find mine is also a tradition - thank you brother-in-laws!

With a growing family there is a want to build new traditions, something that can be ours. It can be challenging to pay tribute and maintain those traditions of the past while attempting to forge new traditions. This is why some slip away or shift to fit a new generation, not all customs can remain as they once were. Christmas is filled with so many traditions that we hesitated to add our own, but we felt compelled to build in time for what we find most important - family, friends, giving, and believing.

We have a close connection with Mr. and Mrs. Claus and so for eight years now, they have dropped by our home prior to Christmas to read a story with the kids and hear their wishes. This evening is filled with laughter, friendship and magic. Things I love most about this tradition is that we have included friends from every arena of our life - childhood, college, colleagues and neighbors. When I look around my home, I am overwhelmed with the power of friendship and how each of the faces mean so much to us. There are children everywhere (25 this year to be exact) and they too have forged their own relationships and are always filled with excitement. Mr. and Mrs. Claus read “The Night Before Christmas,” children whisper their wishes to them and are given a giant sized candy cane. Hand in hand the children lead Mr. and Mrs. Claus on a tour of the seven Ross Family Christmas trees and most children are completely fixated on these two special people and are awe struck while in their presence. We are all raising families, stuck in a whirlwind of chaos, but this tradition is something that so many pause for. It wouldn’t feel like the start of the holiday season without it and I’m thankful for my friends who continue this tradition each year.

One more addition to our already packed Christmas routine that my husband and I built was the Christmas Eve Ross Sibling Gift Exchange. A few years ago we realized that it was time for our older boys to understand that Christmas isn’t just about receiving gifts and retelling the story of Jesus’ birth, but it is also about giving. The weekend before Christmas we have the five kids pick one another’s name. There is an honor and urgency of the gift giver, searching the Target aisles for the perfect gift for their sibling. There is also the genuine appreciation of the gift recipient, as they discover the treasure that their sibling choose just for them. There is a bursting of love and generosity and a beaming from each child that is so rewarding as a parent. It’s one of my favorite things.

Traditions aren’t just paired with the holidays…

At the start of each school year we send off paper lanterns with our neighbors and make wishes for the year ahead. My team at school has made it a tradition that when a fellow teacher reaches a milestone birthday, we celebrate with a Costco cake (if you have no idea what I’m talking about, try it).

There are also traditions like how we name our children…

My husbands mother had all of the boys carry on the same initials - JWR. My mom and dad blessed my sister and I with middle names that started with “R” to pay tribute to the Thresher family. My husband and I decided that our children’s first name needed to come from some inspiration, while the middle name was a family name. Parker was inspired from our dear friend, Weston was inspired by a place I grew up, Corbin was inspired by nameberry.com, Caroline was inspired by a want for a classic and timeless girl name, and Ryland was inspired by a character from the show Dallas. Their middle names were all influenced by family names - Raymond, Wade, Thresher, Joan and Garee.

I know I’ve mentioned the lake already, but aside from The Fourth of July and Labor Day, a tradition in my family is to spend your summer at the lake. We try our best to be there for the holidays, but regardless time is spent there, because it’s good for the soul and it’s our custom. Findley Lake is a place where my mother spent her summers with her Grandmother and cousins. A place where I learned to ski and fell in love with the water. Findley Lake is a place where my cousins and I made memories, learned lessons, and solidified family traditions. It’s a place where I can be myself, be at peace and be loved.

Traditions often form when food is involved. My father’s side of the family has German heritage and a traditional German delicacy is a kuchan. In German, kuchan actually means cake. There are many variations, but my family has mastered the art of the kuchanrolle that can be filled with apricots, almonds, cherries, poppyseeds and more. It is topped with icing and perfect with coffee. It is custom for the women in the family to pass down not just the recipe to the next in line, but also teach them the process of making this treat. It is quite involved, and time consuming, but that is why it is special. It is special because when making it together you are sharing in a cherished tradition, it is special because when you give a kuchan as a gift it is truly a labor of love. A wave of the past always washes over me when I eat it. and so I truly cherish each bite. This is one of those traditions that you work hard to maintain because it is a link to the past, a way to honor those who came before us.

How do traditions begin? Why do some withstand time? Sometimes it is our families that start a tradition and we want to maintain that tradition out of honor, out of custom, out of comfort. Sometimes we ourselves design the moment in hopes of capturing something good that can be duplicated through time. Sometimes it surfaces from spending time with people who love you, support you, and through the years become family.

By example, my parents taught me early in life that friends can be family. The Stevnings and Robinettes are my extended family. We not only share a history - yearly summer vacation trips to the lake and Holden Beach that are littered with memories - but we share a friendship that involves going to the ends of the earth for one another, standing by one another’s side on their wedding day and praying with them when all feels lost. Our parents started as friends, but that friendship has continued on and now even my children are learning that this isn’t just a custom or habit that we spend time together, but rather a necessity, because these are our people. Mo and I have continued this bridge, knowing that friendships can be just as powerful in our lives as family and so we have built a core group who again we share many memories with, but who also we would go to the ends of the earth for, stood beside them at their weddings and are their children’s god-parents and at the same time pray and hold them up when all feels lost. The Middletons and Hoges are also our extended family. Traditions can be born from anywhere, for any reason…why they stick around is a nod to why they are special.

Maybe it’s the season, maybe it’s the people, maybe it’s the moment, or maybe it’s out of habit, but when you pause to think about the traditions you maintain, grow, and create, there is a reason for them and they impact the type of life and legacy we leave behind.